Captain Obvious Strikes

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OK.

Upcoming tweets:

  • Braves have told Tommy Hanson he’s trade candidate but they won’t “trade him to Seattle”

  • Angels have told Albert Pujols he’s first baseman but they won’t “bat him eighth”

  • Yankees have told Alex Rodriguez his contract is expensive boondoggle but they won’t “be at all afraid of embarrassing him into retiring”

  • Royals have told Ned Yost he’s manager but they won’t “ever give him a team good enough to win”

  • MLB has told Jose Canseco he’s never playing in the majors again but they won’t “… no, just no”

  • Lakers have told Kobe Bryant he’s on team for life but they won’t “ever win a championship again”

  • NFL has told players they want 18-game season but they won’t “do anything about their head injuries”

  • RNC has told Mitt Romney he’s not President but they won’t “ever nominate him for anything ever again”

  • Bill has told the Common Man he’s terrible human but he won’t “stop tweeting mean things about you”

  • Jason has told cats they poop too much but he won’t “get mad at them because they’re just too cute”

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