Baseball and the UFO Conspiracy*

 

There's a vast conspiracy underfoot and you're not even aware of it. The world is large and the universe even larger, so it was awfully self-important of us to think that we were the only sentient creatures in this galaxy. So open your eyes sheeple, because the threat is already here. Our baseball fields are being overrun by the grey creatures from the skies and and our government is already complicit in the colonization of earth. 

 
Do you think me crazy? Perhaps you believe that I've fallen asleep recently watching Men In Black, the fly ball pounding Bernard Gilkey in the skull having now lodged itself in my brain. 
 
 
(image via BookLoop
 
And sure, maybe I have watched that movie roughly 315 times, but that doesn't mean I'm unable to see the world for how it really is, for how terrifyingly close the aliens are and how, much like us, they love baseball.
 
EVIDENCE A: 
 

 
 
Dodgers at Giants, 9/10/2011
 
Sure, you could discredit the video uploader for referring to the reporter as a "B—-," but you'd be missing the larger point here. Namely, the terrifying silver orb, hurtling through our atmosphere, right where Barry Bonds used to hit home runs. Wait. Is Barry Bonds the cause of all of this? Maybe. We can't discount that.
 
The Dodgers would go on to win 3-0 behind the work of Dana Eveland. If you need further proof that something weird was going on, well, there you have it. 
 
EVIDENCE B: 
 

 
Giants at Rangers, 11/1/2010
 
What is it about the Giants and UFOs? Perhaps this could explain their two recent World Series titles and supernatural ability to grow beards? I'm just saying it's something to be investigated.
 
And while you may think that this UFO is a speck of dust, or a bug, or some random debris blowing around, perhaps a piece of hot dog bun floating down from the upper deck, this is where you're wrong. It's clearly superior alien nanobot technology. I mean, duh. 
 
This game was also won by an Edgar Renteria home run, which, again, come on. Doesn't take a genius to see government conspiracy written on the walls. 
 
EVIDENCE C: 
 
(image via BallCharts
 
As originally reported in The Flying Saucer Review of 1962, during a May 29th game between the Vancouver Mounties and the Portland Beavers, over 660 spectators ran towards the exits after seeing a fireball that was "blue, red, gold and all the colors of the rainbow."
 
Was this what they saw?
 
 
And could this explain why we have so few Canadian baseball teams? Our alien overlords won't allow it? 
 
EVIDENCE D: 
 

 
There is a baseball field at Area 51. It seems pretty clear to me: the aliens currently held there requested a diamond where they can keep their skills sharp, preparing for the day that they take over the national pastime. 
 
EVIDENCE E: 
 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=DOawFf3sG64?rel=0

 
A perfect example of hiding in plain sight. I'm guessing that the noodles, when combined with boiling hot water, give off some sort of nutrient that weakens the mind and prepares it for alien sublimation. 
 
EVIDENCE F: 
 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Tcyk04n1yBg?rel=0

 
What's stranger: the three orbs that soar across the sky, going from left to right, or that there is a "best" of Intentional Talk? I beg you, alien masters, when you eventually claim the Earth as your own, using humans for sick genetic experiments, please end this show. It would be the decent thing to do. 
 
EVIDENCE G: 
 
During a 1974 Single-A baseball game between the Key West Conchs and the St. Petersburg Cardinals, Joe Wallis, the rightfielder for the Conchs, hit a pop fly to shallow center. The second baseman and centerfielder converged on the ball. Which never came down. As Garry Templeton said, "It had to be a UFO that got that ball." The writer of the piece also posits that it could have been a ghost. 
 
This was posted on The Free Republic. And they would never post anything without strict rules governing truth. 
 
EVIDENCE H: 
 
You want covert operations and classic government coverups? Well, here you go. But, Mike, you say, MLB blocks everything on YouTube that is tangentially related to basball. And I posit this: perhaps they do it so that you don't raise any hackles when they need to disguise the oncoming alien invasion. 
 
And now, the most damning evidence that the invasion is already under way. I present, EVIDENCE I: 
 
That's right, there was already an independent league ballplayer in 2011 named Alien. Does the CIA have any creativity at all?
 
Sure, he struggled, posting a 6.92 ERA, but that means that the grey skins are close. Give them ten more years of training on that Area 51 field and Mike Trout's otherworldly rookie season will look like Bob Hamelin's rookie year. 
 
Be afraid, people. Be very afraid.
 

*Note: This post was written after 72 consecutive hours of mescaline use. 

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