With Mike Piazza's autobiography, Long Shot, co-written with Lonnie Wheeler, coming out today, there have already been a number of excerpts released. We here at The Platoon Advantage were fortunate enough to stumble upon a first draft of the manuscript which features extended looks at a few key scenes.
On Piazza's plans to take revenge on Clemens through karate:
Excerpt: "Piazza tells how he mapped out a plan for revenge — taking karate lessons and visualizing the next time they would go at it. 'I would approach with my fist pulled back. I figured he’d throw his glove out for protection. I’d parry the glove and then get after it.'"
First draft: "But then he'd probably try and block me with some stupid twist move. So I'd be all like "KHAAAAAN," you know, and go for a heart rip. He's pretty beefy in the chest, so I'm not sure I would have had the torque to get through all that muscle, but I would probably at least rip a nipple off. Or twist it real bad.
"While he was slowed, I'd roundhouse kick him to the face like KACHAW KACHAW and he'd be all like "I want to go back to Texas" and that's when I'd give him a one-two-three, you know, like Bruce Lee, straight to the solar plexis. Dude would be toast."
Mike Piazza on Attending Concerts:
Excerpt: "After a Guns N’ Roses concert, Piazza — who’d been drinking vodka all night — chided lead singer Axl Rose for wearing Rangers, Knicks and Yankees jerseys on stage. But not his team’s.
“I’m obliterated. I go, ‘Hey, yo, Axl! What the f–k, man? Like, you know, you think you could’ve mixed in a Mets jersey?’”
First Draft: "But you know, Axl and the guys were cool about it. Not so much the next night when I went to see Candlebox. Those guys are jerks. Like, I'd been drinking Wine Coolers and Mad Dog 20/20 all day, so I get to the show and I'm toast, you know? Like can barely stand up. Anyway, I wanted them to play "Far Behind" so I kept shouting, "Hey dirtbag! Play Far Behind!" and like "I can play the drums better than you!" And you know, they had me escorted from the place. Total jerks. They're not the Candlebox they seem to be at all."
Mike Piazza on Dating:
Excerpt: "One of his best-known girlfriends was Debbe Dunning, the actress who played the “Tool Time” girl on the hit comedy “Home Improvement.” One Halloween night when Dunning came over with a pumpkin and her dog, Piazza decided to break off the relationship.
“There was screaming and crying and then the Tool Time girl waffled my ass,” he recalled. “I hadn’t taken a punch like that in a long time.”
First Draft: "It wasn't the first or last time a girl has poured hot waffle batter on my ass, though. Turns out, I kind of like it. Don't tell my wife that. This will be our little secret."
Mike Piazza on Religion:
Excerpt: “Obviously, premarital sex was morally objectionable to the Catholic Church, which, like my very Catholic mother, was still a major influence in my life,” he writes. “On the occasions when I did step out, I made a point of going to confession afterward.”
First Draft: "And the priest was totally into it! Total weirdo, kept wanting to know all the deets. And I'm like, cool your jets, man. They're just chicks."
Mike Piazza on Race Relations:
Excerpt: "Tensions between Piazza and Latin ballplayers simmered more than once during his 16-year career.
Piazza describes “some kind of weird Hispanic conspiracy against me, almost like a secret brotherhood, a Latin mafia-type of thing.”
First Draft: "You ever read Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown? Well, if you haven't, it's kind of a literary classic, lots of whodunnits and conspiracies and stuff. And let me tell you, this Latin Mafia has nothing on the Illuminati. Now, I've done my research and did you know that there are Illuminati symbols on our money? So whenever I felt bad because the Latin Mafia was trying to ruin my name and inject me with steroids while I slept (which totally happened), I just remember this. And think, hey, I'm Robert Langdon and nothing will stop me."
The book is out now at all major booksellers.