Archives

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Derek Jeter’s First Drafts of His Retirement Letter

Yesterday, Derek Jeter announced his retirement from baseball at the end of 2014 through a heartfelt Facebook post. But that post, in which he thanks the fans of New York and discusses his career, was actually the result of a lot of trial and error.  Here were his earlier attempts:    So, uhh, I guess […]

Learning to Appreciate Barry Bonds

I had given up on baseball. I can’t give you the exact dates, but it was somewhere around 2001, when steroid rumors and my burgeoning high school self lost interest in the game. While high school, and its ability to crush a human being beyond recognition played a part, I was the child that the […]

Rule Noodling: The Starting Pinch-Hitter

With the offseason upon us, it's the perfect time to sit back and think about baseball from a philosophic standpoint. To separate ourselves from the endless grind of reading boxscores, watching highlights, and feverishly pulling up Mike Trout's Baseball-Reference page before quickly closing our laptops when our significant other walks in the room, making sure […]

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David Ortiz’s Mayoral Concession Speech

(via Skreened)  As you may have heard, David Ortiz, the slugging designated hitter and all around lovable guy, came in third in the recent Boston mayoral race. The transcript of his concession speech, given at a Jerry Remy's Bar and Grill at 1:30 am, has finally been released and is available below: People of Boston, gathered […]

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Scouting Todd Avocado, the Baseball-Playing Avocado

Before this year's postseason action, you probably had no idea that avocados could play sports. Hell, you probably didn't even realize there was an entire food-based baseball league, one featuring avocados, hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken wings, and, surely, some kind of slaw.  But just what kind of play can you expect from an avocado? Hopefully […]

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Have No Fear, Mets Fans, Matt Harvey Is Actually A Robot

Mets fans are generally an unhappy, anxious people. Which makes sense. They've been conditioned to feel that way, what with Steve Phillips, Ponzi schemes, and well, Matt Harvey's elbow. For now, though, things seemed okay. Harvey, the lover of parties and owner of a 48-hour rule, was going to try and rehab his elbow, hoping […]

Are You Down with NPB? Yeah, You Know Me*

*I apologize profusely for the title. However, it does bring up memories of being in elementary school and asking my schoolmates, 'Do you know what OPP stands for?' I still don't really know. By now you've probably started following Wladimir Balentien, the Curacaon slugger with a name that makes me think of Dracula Ballerina, a […]

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Appreciating the American Dream That Is Mitch Moreland

Mitch Moreland hit his 20th home run of the season this week. Which saddens me a little. And no, I'm very happy for Moreland, but sad for myself, sad for Mitch Moreland becoming yet another faceless, formless 20+ HR first baseman.  There is something beautiful in the spectacularly average, something that's very compelling about watching […]

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Picking Your Team For the Last Six Weeks of the Season

Despite the addition of the extra wild card, there is still a 67% chance that your team, the one that you've spent countless thousands in merchandise on, won't be going to the playoffs. I've heard rumor that when Bud Selig eventually retires, giving in to the demonic force that feeds on his large intestine, every […]

The Shameful Melancholy of Tim Lincecum’s No-Hitter

Despite Brian Kenny's protestations, a no-hitter is still an event to get excited about, like Christmas morning even after you know Santa Claus isn't coming. The combination of talent meeting luck, as an entire team is stymied by the pitcher and nine men who, for one day, are positioned in just the right way so […]

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Cal Eldred: Baseball’s Superman

There are people out there that don't believe in Superman. They think he's a myth, a power fantasy, a parable for outsiders or those who wish to do good. I pity them. Because Superman is most definitely real, soaring above us and keeping us safe. i mean, sure, he's not working at The Daily Planet […]

The Baseball Fan’s Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union

In the past, I was an uptight, miserable human at ballgames. Like any teenager in a record store, I was judgmental of everyone around me, and like a crazy person, I refused to get up, even when the sum of hot dogs, pretzels and beer were impacting my bowels, for fear that my scorecard would […]

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