On not clicking the Manny Machado gif

I do not entirely remember what it is like to write about baseball. I do not, frankly, entirely remember what it is like to watch baseball. I do remember what it is like to worry about baseball and to be anxious about vaguely baseball-related things, but those are issues for another day. A more relevant […]

Have No Fear, Mets Fans, Matt Harvey Is Actually A Robot

Mets fans are generally an unhappy, anxious people. Which makes sense. They've been conditioned to feel that way, what with Steve Phillips, Ponzi schemes, and well, Matt Harvey's elbow. For now, though, things seemed okay. Harvey, the lover of parties and owner of a 48-hour rule, was going to try and rehab his elbow, hoping […]

Are You Down with NPB? Yeah, You Know Me*

*I apologize profusely for the title. However, it does bring up memories of being in elementary school and asking my schoolmates, 'Do you know what OPP stands for?' I still don't really know. By now you've probably started following Wladimir Balentien, the Curacaon slugger with a name that makes me think of Dracula Ballerina, a […]

Appreciating the American Dream That Is Mitch Moreland

Mitch Moreland hit his 20th home run of the season this week. Which saddens me a little. And no, I'm very happy for Moreland, but sad for myself, sad for Mitch Moreland becoming yet another faceless, formless 20+ HR first baseman.  There is something beautiful in the spectacularly average, something that's very compelling about watching […]

The Governor’s Wife

In 1692, near Salem, Massachusetts, young girls began to have fits that they claimed were caused by witches. They accused three local women of witchcraft, and eventually the accusations spread to several others both in the town and in the surrounding colony. In their trials, spectral evidence (a “victim’s” accusation that they had seen an […]

Picking Your Team For the Last Six Weeks of the Season

Despite the addition of the extra wild card, there is still a 67% chance that your team, the one that you've spent countless thousands in merchandise on, won't be going to the playoffs. I've heard rumor that when Bud Selig eventually retires, giving in to the demonic force that feeds on his large intestine, every […]

Guest Post: Gloriously Quiet Minor League Weeknights, by Jen Mac Ramos

TPA is (coming) back! Over the next several days and/or weeks, we’ll be running guest posts, by people we like, on whatever subject they feel like writing about. You might see some familiar faces come back, too (I might even write something, some day).   Our first guest is Jen Mac Ramos —

2013 Birthday Shopping Guide

It’s that time of year again. The time of year where my odometer rolls over and I have to get my driver’s license replaced. Yes, it is my 35th birthday on Saturday. Those of you who have yet to get me something will be happy to know that I have, for the fourth year in […]

The Shameful Melancholy of Tim Lincecum’s No-Hitter

Despite Brian Kenny's protestations, a no-hitter is still an event to get excited about, like Christmas morning even after you know Santa Claus isn't coming. The combination of talent meeting luck, as an entire team is stymied by the pitcher and nine men who, for one day, are positioned in just the right way so […]

Cal Eldred: Baseball’s Superman

There are people out there that don't believe in Superman. They think he's a myth, a power fantasy, a parable for outsiders or those who wish to do good. I pity them. Because Superman is most definitely real, soaring above us and keeping us safe. i mean, sure, he's not working at The Daily Planet […]

The Baseball Fan’s Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union

In the past, I was an uptight, miserable human at ballgames. Like any teenager in a record store, I was judgmental of everyone around me, and like a crazy person, I refused to get up, even when the sum of hot dogs, pretzels and beer were impacting my bowels, for fear that my scorecard would […]

Why I’m Not Rooting For the Rays Anymore

Ultimately, I think we realize that baseball doesn't matter. It's a fun sport — even a beautiful sport — but baseball doesn't add anything tangible to our lives. We can't eat it, can't use it to build anything, and most of us aren't paid by or because of it. Instead, we follow baseball for the […]

Adrian Beltre Responds to People Touching His Head

Hi, Adrian Beltre here. Yes, that Adrian Beltre. And yeah, I get it, you all think it's pretty hilarious when people try to touch my head and I freak out. I mean, I'm a modern man of the internet, I've seen the gifs and even I have a laugh. Just look at some of these […]