2013 Birthday Shopping Guide

It’s that time of year again. The time of year where my odometer rolls over and I have to get my driver’s license replaced. Yes, it is my 35th birthday on Saturday. Those of you who have yet to get me something will be happy to know that I have, for the fourth year in […]

The Shameful Melancholy of Tim Lincecum’s No-Hitter

Despite Brian Kenny's protestations, a no-hitter is still an event to get excited about, like Christmas morning even after you know Santa Claus isn't coming. The combination of talent meeting luck, as an entire team is stymied by the pitcher and nine men who, for one day, are positioned in just the right way so […]

Cal Eldred: Baseball’s Superman

There are people out there that don't believe in Superman. They think he's a myth, a power fantasy, a parable for outsiders or those who wish to do good. I pity them. Because Superman is most definitely real, soaring above us and keeping us safe. i mean, sure, he's not working at The Daily Planet […]

The Baseball Fan’s Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union

In the past, I was an uptight, miserable human at ballgames. Like any teenager in a record store, I was judgmental of everyone around me, and like a crazy person, I refused to get up, even when the sum of hot dogs, pretzels and beer were impacting my bowels, for fear that my scorecard would […]

Why I’m Not Rooting For the Rays Anymore

Ultimately, I think we realize that baseball doesn't matter. It's a fun sport — even a beautiful sport — but baseball doesn't add anything tangible to our lives. We can't eat it, can't use it to build anything, and most of us aren't paid by or because of it. Instead, we follow baseball for the […]

Adrian Beltre Responds to People Touching His Head

Hi, Adrian Beltre here. Yes, that Adrian Beltre. And yeah, I get it, you all think it's pretty hilarious when people try to touch my head and I freak out. I mean, I'm a modern man of the internet, I've seen the gifs and even I have a laugh. Just look at some of these […]

The Otherworldly Gems of the Baseball Hall of Fame’s Scouting Database

We like to pretend that we know most of what's happening on and around baseball, but the fact is that we don't. Not really. We know nearly nothing of baseball in the 1800s, we make educated guesses at baseball before the advent of television, and even today, with our newfangled hickeymajigs, our defensive ratings are […]

When is ‘Good’ Baseball Actually Bad for the Sport?

I promise you that I'm not trying to drum up page views by writing articles with titles like "Farts: How Your Butt is Killing the Planet" or "Which Game of Thrones Character Are You? A 20 Part Slideshow NSFW." But I am worried about the future of baseball as a spectator sport.    Don't get […]

DUI Suspensions: Wait, Do We Really Mean This?

I may have been operating for a while on a rather foolish assumption.  See, whenever a player has been caught driving while intoxicated — like yesterday, after Yovani Gallardo was picked up with an almost impossible to believe .22 blood-alcohol level — and the blogosphere/twitterati have piped up with their outrage over the deep moral […]

The Pirates and the Crushing Blow of Six Horribly Wretched Games

The Pirates, and by extension their fans, should be used to losing by now. Much like a garbage man should be no longer mind hefting around bags of refuse and Lindsay Lohan should be accustomed to court-ordered drug rehab, the Pirates should be nearly immune to the crushing sting of defeat. If 20 consecutive losing […]

My Strange Love Affair With Fantasy Baseball

Chances are, during the first batch of games on Monday, while constantly checking your fantasy lineup, you realized one of two things. Either 1) You didn't do nearly as good a job drafting your fantasy team as you thought or 2) You really don't seem to care as much as the other people around you. […]

The Artist Formerly Known as TCM’s 2013 Predictions

These predictions are obligatory. Once a year, as the season starts, I’m compelled to make a record of what I think is going to happen in Major League Baseball, so that you can point and laugh at me once the season’s done, and you can draw inspiration that damn near any idiot can write about […]

Josh Lueke, Redemption, Rape and Baseball

I want to read a redemption story about Josh Lueke.  I do. Most of my friends and colleagues would rather never hear or read his name again, and I get that, and honestly, I'd be more than okay with that. But a redemption story would be pretty cool.  I mean, a real one. Not this horseshit. […]

Mike Piazza’s Love Affair With the Commercial

Recently I decided to read Mike Piazza's new book, Long Shot. I wasn't expecting literature that would challenge my deepest held beliefs nor was I hoping for lyrical prose poetry. So in the end, I guess I got what a paid for: a mild diversion from my eventual demise co-written by baseball's greatest offensive catcher and […]

The Abraham Lincolns of Baseball

While watching Daniel Day Lewis accept yet another Oscar award on Sunday night for his performance in Lincoln (really, when he's nominated they need to create a Best Actor Not Named Daniel Day Lewis category), I wondered about the other Abraham Lincolns out there, specifically the baseballing ones. Especially with political cartoons like this one […]